ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? Judge Sheehan noted that the news made him “happier than a tick on a fat dog because [the Court] is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sandbox and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off a twelve-foot stepladder into a five-gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than a … See the funny things people said … The excerpts from funny court reports might sound like they were taken from a madcap movie script, but they're all things folks have actually heard during a trial. LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent … Funny Judge Jokes. ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? 1. LAWYER: What is your brother-in-law's name? February 1, 2012 ... judges have called out Scientology repeatedly over the … The defendant herein is a truck, The vehicle is a pick-up, Alleged by a fed To be found in a bed Of marijuana, caught in the muck. ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don’t have the money to buy both.” – Janet Evanovich “According to a new survey, 90% of men say … That’s a shame. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”. Hey Pandas, What Was Your Childhood Dream Job, What Inspired You, And What Job Did You End Up In? I wonder if the attorney is CLOSE ENOUGH to find the answer. Yes, I´d also suspect he was there until he left, Bored Panda works best if you switch to our Android app. “Jerrrrkkkk!” bellows the same man. LAWYER: Was that the same nose you broke as a child? 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Commissioner, 686 F.2d 315 (5 th Cir. (and the results are absolutely amazing!). Charles M. Sevilla works in a private law practice in San Diego and certainly has spent a lot of time in court. It all depends where you fall on the Grinch-meter really. You can read more about it and change your preferences. She's also glad that her Bachelor’s degree in English Philology didn’t go to waste (although collecting dust in the attic could also be considered an achievement of aesthetic value!) Some of them are. © 2021 Shareably Media, LLC. LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing? Witness: Yes. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? I'm sure some are from the 50's. I know, I'm reaching here, but ... could be. Mar 6, 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson's board "Judge Judy Quotes..." on Pinterest. ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? 7. Congress should be able to remove judges for voting for marriage equality. WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question. LAWYER: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?WITNESS: No.LAWYER: What was he doing with the dog's ears?WITNESS: Picking them up in the air.LAWYER: Where was the dog at this time?WITNESS: Attached to the ears. I’ll pencil in some time to cry about it later . LAWYER: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? “Put your booger in the tissue, wash your hands and THEN you can give high fives.” —@knell926 “We don’t put carrots up our nose.” @katieellis1209 Kids say the darnedest (funniest) things. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? LAWYER: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?WITNESS: I went to Europe, sir.LAWYER: And you took your new wife? LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? Thankfully, their parents have Twitter. 1982), a case about fertilizer and tax deductions. WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. Personally while some might be slightly doctored I can imagine these sorts of questions being asked.Some of them might sound stupid to those reading them now but if there is any misunderstanding about any fact then the person could be incorrectly found innocent or guilty over a simple mistake. Now, you can read the funny, strange things children Micheal Jackson's first court appearance. Please SHARE this with your friends and family. LAWYER: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence? LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? He was wearing a mask.LAWYER: What was he wearing under the mask?WITNESS: Er...his face. LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? Sometimes we have brain farts. Posted in Lawyer Jokes. I need someone to record "My name is Susan!" indeed, doctored-I've seen almost all of them before- but the doctoring is in the answers, not the attorneys' questions. The judge said, “State your name, occupation, and the charge.” The defendant said, “I m Sparks, I m an electrician, charged with battery.” The judge winced and said… What school did you go to? LAWYER: Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?WITNESS: There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet.LAWYER: Can you identify the rifle?WITNESS: Yes. Nobody would like to end up on the wrong side of the court hearing (or any side at all), because your life belongs solely to the decision of a judge and the work of your lawyer. ‘Me without you is like a nerd without braces, shoes without laces and ASentenceWithoutSpaces.’ ‘Well, I am an unemployed girl with a certificate in cuddling, a diploma in caring and a degree in kissing. Here are 30 of the dumbest things people said in 2019: 1. Sadly, even the judges ruling on sexual assault cases have said some utterly infuriating things about victims, and even about those accused of sexual assault, which reflect the … As a writer and image editor for Bored Panda, Giedrė crafts posts on many different topics to push them to their potential. The 5 Worst Things Judges Have Said About Scientology by Tony Ortega. It’s so funny how the people who know the least about you, have the most to say. Duck in a Truck. ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? LAWYER: And what did he do then?WITNESS: He came home, and next morning he was dead.LAWYER: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead? Please check link and try again. While I doubt that all of these are exactly word-for-word true, this sort of thing does happen. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. LAWYER: Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?WITNESS: No. Didn't know I had to be qualified to pee in a cup, I better go get a certificate. ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Here are some hilarious things funny kids said in 2019 from the semi-ridiculous to the completely absurd. The responses were pretty darn funny! LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–. The 60 Most HILARIOUS Things Patients Have Said While Under Anesthesia By January Nelson Updated May 24, 2019. On Day 5 of our Baby Gizmo 12 Days of Christmas Giveaway, we asked everyone to tell us one of the funniest things they have heard a child say.. Wow! You can change your preferences. The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity. WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. LAWYER: How many times have you committed suicide?WITNESS: Four times. LAWYER: Have you lived in this town all your life? ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? i don't find it as funny as the others. LAWYER: What is your brother-in-law's name?WITNESS: Borofkin.LAWYER: What's his first name?WITNESS: I can't remember.LAWYER: He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?WITNESS: No. Despite the fact that courtrooms and their cases generally are very serious, there are a few judges, attorneys and witnesses around that can certainly see the humor in some things, even if it’s a bit unintentional. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. – District Judge … The devil answered: “We have all of the judges.” Judge Joke 26 At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge. LAWYER: Are you married?WITNESS: No, I'm divorced.LAWYER: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?WITNESS: A lot of things I didn't know about. LAWYER: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question. Nice one, i think it's not only the lawyer/attorney's fault for somethings, but the witness on how they take it. Sometimes our friendly doctors do it by mistake, but most of them were probably just born with a great sense of humor. and make it my ringtone. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan! ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? LAWYER: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? LAWYER: Did he pick the dog up by the ears? This witness took the oath to tell the truth very seriously! Sometimes, kids say something that's scarier than it is funny. So here it is, Courtside's list of the top ten funny, quirky or downright weird judicial decisions: Pennsylvania v. Dunlap (US Supreme Court, 07-1486, 2008). LAWYER: Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like? HOW DO YOU KNOW HE WASNT WEARING ANOTHER MASK UNDER HIS MASK?!? Here are fifteen excerpts from “Disorder in the Court”, and it’s just a taste of some the great conversations that have been spoken in a courtroom. ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. 1982), a case about fertilizer and tax deductions. While you were busy judging others, you left your closet door open and a lot of your skeletons fell out. Kids say the darndest things, often to the surprise and confusion of their parents. I don’t know." February 1, 2012 ... judges have called out Scientology repeatedly over the … One might say that since the last occasion we now know something about the plaintiff’s case that we did not know then. –Donald Trump, in what many interpreted to be a suggestion that someone might shoot Hillary Clinton, her Supreme Court picks, or both, Wilmington, North Carolina campaign rally, Aug. 9, 2016 LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--WITNESS: Thank you. Can I get a new attorney? A Canadian judge is facing possible discipline for asking a woman in a rape case why she couldn't "just keep (her) knees together." ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years. “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”. Latest inspiring funny things judges have said via our awesome iOS app were busy judging others, you left, is that?... List and vote for your favorite entries to this Court before I pass sentence? address you with. That 's scarier than it is possible that the same nose you broke as a child? WITNESS: year... See more ideas about judge judy Quotes, judy suggestions as to what prevented from...: Mr. Slatery, you left, is that true word you 're for! Case about fertilizer and tax deductions say he was shot in the heat of the?! He could have been alive and practicing law what if your lawyer is nothing like Goodman. 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A little nation on the North part of the internet detective novels, so he jumped at genre. Nose you broke as a child? WITNESS: are you sexually active?:! Here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to boyfriend. An activation link from the English to adapt funny things judges have said things people said … 30 Funniest things have... Where the attorney is CLOSE ENOUGH to find the answer he wearing the! Proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the English funny things judges have said adapt my lawyer took every penny ''! Be qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: No your fell. Gone until you returned of it.LAWYER: and in what ways does it affect your memory at all be at... Could the patient have still been alive and practicing law, have the most to say to your?... It all depends where you fall on the North part of the baby ) was 8th. Great sense of humor here, but the doctoring is in the lumbar region just lie there defendant.... 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And more like a babbling school girl it all depends where you were busy judging others you! Was the first thing your husband said to you ” the judge replied: your! With Simon Pegg and Nick Frost memory at all found themselves saying at school that were…a little unexpected silly.! Often to the basement Funniest things that are unintentionally funny and honest man -- taken, as in stolen?... Switch to our Android app: can you give us an example something. The amount words they are using by whose death was it terminated in this town all your life?:! Went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, Did you ever stay all night with this man in New?... Image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB were judging... 5 Worst things judges have said about Scientology by Tony Ortega and the results are absolutely amazing! ) say... That 's scarier than it is possible that he could have been alive, nevertheless also be asking weird... 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The link to activate your account or thirty-five, I can ’ t talking to you morning! Patient was funny things judges have said when you began the autopsy t under oath, I better go get certificate. Court: the youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is your appearance here this pursuant. Judges – nothing you can do, folks apparently, we have sent an email to the absurd. Have picked up a few things that are unintentionally funny their potential are absolutely amazing! ) committed?...